Well – she’s gone and done it.
My little sister has made herself a full blown confessional on the web. She’s without a doubt one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. Word of warning – she’s not the most timid or reserved of young ladies. She’s studying design in a portfolio school in Atlanta after a failed attempt at living in Shanghai, and now is involved with an internship at a well known graphic design studio in New York City. Her life there has thrown some interesting curves at her, starting with her living situation.
So without further ado, read on…
My Roomate, Vincent
He’s 52. Wears man thongs. Leaves them in the bathroom. Never wears a shirt, because it’s 300 degrees in the 400 sq. ft apt that I get one fourth of. He may weigh 130, soaking wet. He has gross, beady, hard nips all the time. And I have found some interesting things in the bathroom: “Doo-Gro” (???), mascara and concealer for black people. Big vats of Vaseline. Lots of bottles of sh*t from Germany. He touched my toe once. I was laying in bed, watching TV. And since it’s a railroad apartment, he has to walk thru my room to get to his. Which means…I have negative privacy, and apparently he feels he can touch my feet. I feel totally safe, yet always repulsed when he is there. He puts ice in his wine. On the phone, before I got to NY, I thought he was 30, gay, and possibly from another country. I was wrong. Except, he is bi. I heard him on the phone once, he likes Asian men bc they have less hair. He brings home 22-25 yr old foreign girls on a nightly basis. And has loud sex with them. I have learned how to say “f**k me” in 14 different languages. Repulsion. Wow.
And more recently…
52 yr old bisexual roomate, Flava : “Are you going to be here this weekend?”
Me: “Yes. I live here.”
Flava: “I need you to not be here.”
Me; “I need you to crawl back whatever 22 year old Thai STD encrusted v*g*na you crawled out of.”
okay, for real. me: ” Um, I’m sorry?”
Flav: My girlfriend is coming from Germany and I need (insert 4th roomates name here, that I still do not know after a month because she is Swedish and I can’t understand her, so we will call her Inga) to sleep in your bed.”
Me: ” So you want Inga to sleep in my bed. With me. Because you are going to have a guest and you want some privacy, even though you charge poor Inga $600 a month to squat in your bedroom and put up 2 Chinese screens and pretend like its all okay.” Ok for real. Me : “Um no. You can give me money for a hotel. But I pay to live here, and I am not going to sleep in my own bed with anyone else. Sorry. “
For more family pride, check out her blog. But you gotta promise not to hold it against me.
See what would happen if I started an anonymous blog?